Tech Support Pricing Structure

This came from some place and I LOVE IT.
Regular Prices for Technical Support/System Administration:

Calling me with a question $10
Calling me with a stupid question $20
Calling me with a stupid question you can't quite articulate $30
Implying I'm incompetent because I can't interpret your inarticulate problem description $1000+punitive damages
Questions received via phone without first trying help desk $10.00
Calling me back with the same problem *after* I fix it once $100
Insisting that you're not breaking the software, the problem is on my end somehow $200
Asking me to walk over to your building to fix the problem $5/step
Asking me to drive to another town to fix your problem $50/mile+gas


If you interrupt me while I was trying to actually fix somebody else's problem $45/hr
If you try to hang around and get me to fix it now $50/hr
If you expect me to tell you how I fixed it $60/hr
If you've come to ask me why something isn't working that I'm currently working on $70/hr
If you're asking me to fix something I fixed for you yesterday $75/hr


If you're bugging me while there's another admin in the room who could have done it for you $150/hr
Making me trek to your office to fix your problem then leaving immediately after hanging up the phone $1500.00
Calling up with a problem which "everybody" in the office is having and which is "stopping all work." Not being there when I rush over to look at it and nobody else in the office knows anything about it. $1700.00
Explaining a problem for 1/2 hour over the phone BEFORE mentioning it's your personal machine at home $500.00
Self-diagnosing your problem and informing me what to do $150.00
Having me bail you out when you perform your own repairs I told you not to do $300.00
Not telling all of your co-workers about it $850.00
Figuring out you mean floppy drive when you say hard drive $50.00
BEFORE I order your replacement hard drive $250.00
Fixing your "broken" mouse with a mouse pad $25.00
Fixing your "broken" optical mouse by rotating the mouse pad 90 degrees $35.00

Fixing your "broken" printer with an ink/toner cartridge $35.00
Fixing your "broken" ANYTHING with the power button $250.00
Fixing the "crashed" system by turning the external disk back on $200.00
Fixing the "hung" system by plugging the ethernet transceiver back in $375.00
Fixing the crashed nameserver by plugging back in the SCSI cord someone accidentally yanked out on Friday afternoon when the 'real' sysadmin has just left for a two week vacation $400
Fixing the broken PC by plugging the monitor lead back in $50
Explaining that you can't log in to some server because you don't have an account there $10
Explaining that you don't have an account on the machine you used to have an account on because you used it to try to break into the above server $500
Forgetting your password after it was tattooed on your index finger $25
Changing memory partitions without informing me first $50
Installing programs without informing me /getting permission first $100

Spilling coke on keyboard $25 plus cost of keyboard
Spilling coke on monitor $50 plus cost of monitor
Spilling coke on CPU $200 plus cost of motherboard swap plus hourly rate of $150 per hour spent reinstalling the system
Leaving files on desktop $5 per file, $10 per day the file is left unclaimed
Cleaning the mouse with spit and sleeve $50 plus cost of sleeve plus cost of therapy
Bringing in your own copy of the original Norton Utilities v1.0 to fix a brand new machine $200


Spending 30 minutes trying to figure out what your problem is, and another 5 explaining how to verify and fix it, only to hear you say... "So that's what the little box that popped up on my screen was telling me; to do!" $40
Listening to your network troubles, suggesting that you check to see if you are plugged into the network jack, hearing yes, trying five other things, asking you to identify your plug type, listening to you drag furniture, and hearing a sheepish, "Oops. Nevermind." $35
Dealing with tech support requests for obviously pirated software $25
Dealing with "How can I get another copy of [obviously pirated software]? Mine just died." requests $45
Having to use the "We're really not the best people to talk to about that; why don't you try calling the number on the box in which you bought it?" line $55
Actually needing to explain copyright law to you after you failed to get the hint in the previous response $95 (includes instructions for getting freeware replacements from the public file server)
Having to point out anything that's on the wall in a typeface larger than 18 points $15
If I wrote the sign $45
If it's in a 144 point font and taped to the side of the monitor facing the door $75
Reporting slow connection by passenger pigeon packets to MPEG archive in Outer Slovakia as a Mosaic/Netscape/Gopher/FTP client problem $25.00
Reporting it more than once $50.00
Reporting it more than once and implying slothfulness on tech support's inability to solve problem $200.00
Beeper Prices:


Beeping me when I'm out of town and I took pains to insure that help files were left all over and that diagnostics had been run on all machines before I left $100
Beeping me more than once to tell me that the printer's offline and the fix is to press the On Line button $200

Beeping me and not identifying yourself within the first 5 seconds $25
Beeping me and then changing your story / denying you placed the call / hoped I would forget who caused the problem $500
Special Rates:

Dealing with user body odor $75.00/hour
Dealing with user not familiar with the primary language spoken at site $50.00/hour
Dealing with user who is (self-proclaimed) smarter than you are, but still calls every other day for help $100.00/hour
Dealing with computer hobbyists $125.00/hour
Questioning the other prices ........... $50

Custom Keyboards

While looking through the daily links at http://reddit.com I was brought to something that is so fantastic that I have drooling over it ever since I saw it.

A keyboard.

Yes you heard me correctly, a keyboard. The wonderful artistic individual at http://www.steampunkworkshop.com has taken the ordinary and mundane object, a keyboard, and turned into a work of art. The wonderful part of it is a useable piece of art. Taking an old IBM keyboard he has gutted it, converted it, improved it, and beautified it. Enough of me rambling on enjoy his result.

Here is a link to the page about this, http://www.steampunkworkshop.com/keyboard.shtml.



Now I could stop there and I could be fine with that. But no, someone else has also been stricken with the beauty of these input devices. He has decided to make them for people. God love him. Also he has taken it one step further and made different models. You can view them, or request one, by going to the below link.

http://www.datamancer.net/keyboards/keyboards.htm



Eh hem, can we say Christmas :D

Flickrvision..

This is web 2.0 at one of its best.

Ok this is too cool
this website shows pictures that have been uploaded to flickr.com as they are being uploaded and where they are at..
==================================================
WARNING.. I have no clue what pictures might show up ;)
==================================================
http://flickrvision.com/maps/show_3d

Enjoy the ride.

MAD ELF

Welcome fellow readers. I am here to share with you one of the joys of the holiday seasons. Ahh, yes, they are here, the holiday specialties. One of my specialties that I look forward too is Mad Elf by Tröegs Brewing Company.

This beer is like a kick in the teeth with a little extra kick for good measure. Well what would that kick be? That kick would be a beer with 11% alcohol by volume. Now that by its self would not make me write about the said beer. That means I would be a lush, which can be up for debate, but not now. As I am not a beer connoisseur I will not tell you the fruitiness of the bouquet. I will use the quote from their page, www.troegs.com/mad_elf.htm.

The Mad Elf, a cheerful creation to warm your heart and enlighten your tongue. The combination of Cherries, Honey, and Chocolate Malts delivers gentle fruits and subtle spices. Fermented and aged with a unique yeast , this ruby red beer has significant warming strength that underlies the pleasant character of this intriguing yet delicious Ale. The Mad Elf, a jolly and delicious beer for the Holidays.

All I can say is YUM, also I have heard it burns like hell if you get it in your eye.
Here is some more info from their page.

• Alcohol by Volume: 11% alcohol by volume


• Hop Bitterness (IBU's) : 15


• Color (SRM) : Ruby Red


• Availability: Seasonal, 12 oz. bottles, 1/2 and 1/6 kegs (contact your local retailer to pre-order)


• Malts: Pilsner, Munich, Chocolate


• Hops: Saaz, Hallertau


• Yeast: Spicy Yeast


• Pennsylvania Honey West Coast Cherries
  

A way to fit 8 GBs of crap into a 4 .78 GB bag, DVD… Part 2

Okay so let's finish this project up.

So the ISO image is done and you are now shy about 8 GB of hard disk space. Oh did I mention you need a butte load of time and hard drive space to do this.

So let's open up DVD Shrink. If you haven't already, go ahead and close DVD Flick. Once DVD shrink is open go to File à Open Disc Image. Go to the ISO image that you made and open it. To speed things along uncheck the video preview.



Okay after that is done you can see that it has figured out what to do with it to shrink it down to the default desired size of 4.+ GB.




Now you are thinking this will degrade quality and what not. Well maybe, yeah, I am pretty sure it will. But then again, I will be able to watch and enjoy it on my TV. Also if you have the time you can later on tell the program to take a little more time in the compression to allow it to have a better look. I don't, default settings for me. So now what? It is time to make another ISO, yes another one. That is unless you have Nero and then DVD shrink can use it to burn right to a disc. I do not have Nero.




So click the "Backup!" button already. Once clicked you get the Backup DVD dialog box. Choose your target. The image file path. Then choose any other settings you want. After you are satisfied, click OK.





After that it goes on its way. And you give your computer, unless you have multi core / multi processors, to the CPU process Gods. So go make you self some supper or whatever. From here I think you can get the rest. Open that 4.+ GB ISO file using an ISO burning software and burn it to your DVD-R.

Happy Burning.




 

A way to fit 8 GBs of crap into a 4 .78 GB bag, DVD… Part 1

I have videos on my computer. I want to make them into a DVD to play on my TV. There are plenty of tools out there, free or otherwise.

Well what are the problems with the homemade DVDs? Let me list one in particular, length of playtime. The length of DVDR is not as long as a normal DVD, an 8 gig one per say. Sure, I could get me a fancy dual layer 8 GB bad boy, but do to budget restraints this is not possible.

So here is my new found way.

I will be using freeware type software.

They are:

• DVD Flick
  
• DVD Shrink
  
• Any DVD ISO burning software will work. I am using the Roxio software that came with the computer.
  

  Okay the basic principle here is
  

1. I am going to use DVD flick to make an 8 GB dual layer DVD ISO and save it to the computer's hard drive.
   
2. Then take that 8 GB DVD ISO, which was just made, and then shrink it to a 4.7 GB ISO using DVD shrink.
   
3. Then burn it to a 4.7 GB DVD-R.
   

So, let's begin by opening the DVD Flick software.

Go into project settings and change the Target size to DVD DL (7.9 GB). This is what makes sure that your ISO is the dual layer size that it needs to be.

Next go to the Burning Tab and choose to make it into an ISO give it a name, I called mine DVDNewISOTest. You can call it whatever you want.

Now take some time to go through the other tabs. Make sure your Target Format is set correctly in the video, as in NTSC or PAL. In the USA set it to NTSC, Europe set it to PAL.

Ok so once you are satisfied with the settings, click "Accept" and get out of there.

Also at this time before the ISO creation make sure you set the project destination at the bottom of the DVD flick software. Last, before creation save the project. It is not needed but just as a safeguard.

Now, add the videos using the "Add Title" button on the left hand side of the DVD Flick Software. If you want to go through and learn and understand the DVD flick software at this time, that is up to you. This is just my simple way of doing things.

Ok click "Create DVD" It will ask if you want to proceed. Well yeah duh. Now you can go to bed. Really it will take FOREVER, or like 6 hours or something like that. Now one of the best parts about this is it will ask you a question towards the end at "Finalize. The question will be, "Unable to find any cells that could be used for layer break!". Basically saying.. You made a single disc image but this is a dual layer ISO and I think I should split this. But we are NOT going to. Choose the option to not split it.

Once that is done we can talk about the DVD shrink process. I will post that next.